Are you infected with Black Friday Fever? It’s a new human disease which began about 1966. Body temperature stays about normal but the brain begins to crave bargains. People cannot think rationally. They begin to run around at 3 in the morning – before the turkey has even been digested in their stomach. They race to the nearest store in search of the latest electronic bargains, toys, clothes, etc. Sometimes, they even buy things they don’t even need! Eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep, blood pressure skyrockets, and blood sugar readings reach abnormal levels.
If you are affected with any of these conditions, please do NOT call your doctor. Instead, please relax on the Friday morning after Thanksgiving. Get up and have a nice glass of pure water or coffee made from reverse osmosis water. Read the paper and enjoy a leisurely morning while most of the residents of your city are beating themselves up trying to find a parking place. About noon, things will calm down. The disease has begun to subside and those affected are now napping at home.
Make your way to the Home Environment Center where you will see a wide array of wonderful environmentally friendly products. There are allergy products like dust mite and bed bug proof bedding, air purifiers, non-toxic cleaning products, full spectrum lighting and Happy Lights to help combat Seasonal Affective Disorder. You will also find reverse osmosis systems, water softeners, chlorine removing shower heads and water by the gallon. Enjoy a complimentary glass of chilled purified water and RELAX!!! It’s 365 days until Black Friday next year and you now know how to avoid catching the dreaded Black Friday Fever!